


It Was Always You

by orphan_account



Category: Homestuck, MS Paint Adventures
Genre: Childhood, Fluff, Friendship, Growing Up Together, M/M, but the friendship turns into love eventually, davekat - Freeform, emo phase, identity crisis
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-12-26
Updated: 2015-12-30
Packaged: 2018-05-09 08:23:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,848
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5532425
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Before I met you, didn't know what to do<br/>Felt like hell just trying to make it through<br/>Before I met you, didn't have a clue<br/>It was always you, it was always you</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Part 1

**Author's Note:**

> That poem in the summary is mine so in the unlikely event that any of you decide to steal it, credit goes here B)  
> I think this will have like three or four parts depending  
> I think that's all I have to say so enjoy

It’s late in the evening, and the sky is fading from bright orange to deep blue. Birds are chirping softly from all directions in the tall, full trees, growing weary of their songs by this hour. There is a gentle breeze that ruffles the fluffy hair of the playground’s only inhabitant.

He really shouldn’t be here. It’s dinner time or later, but he doesn’t pay attention, and he doesn’t have the option of going home quite yet. The small, petite boy with the dark, fluffy mop of hair atop his head has been patiently awaiting his brother’s release from the school beside the playground for what he can guess has been a few hours now. 

He had been shooed away shortly after packing up his things and making his way through the halls and to his brother’s classroom. He didn’t like this room very much - his brother taught a higher grade than the one Karkat was in (he was only in first), and it looked so much more intimidating than the bright, colorful rooms he had grown accustomed to. He didn’t understand anything depicted on the posters plastered to the walls, nor the props lining the shelves and the desk, and the books laying around were so large and heavy that they could probably crush him. Being in there made him feel tiny and inferior, so he didn’t protest when Kankri told him to go outside and play while he finished his lesson plans and grading papers.

He might have refused if only he had known how long this would take. Playgrounds are only enough to amuse a six year old for so long, and his interest had expired. He had been down all the slides ten times, swung until he felt sick and got up so high that it scared him, and ran around pretending to be in a violent movie all by himself. None of these options appealed to him anymore.

That was when he decided to go pester his brother once more. He struggled to pull open the metal door that led from the gym to the playground, but managed, and then he was off on his way to the eerie classroom. He had an irrational fear of getting lost in these halls. He did not know them the way he knew his own; these were much longer and much more confusing. He knew precisely where he was going, but even so, he wondered if perhaps the walls had changed since his last trek, or if the hallways had altered their own design just to spite him.

As always, he made it safely to the intimidating room.

He peered inside at Kankri, who was seated at a computer behind his desk, typing away, and Karkat was certain he had never seen anyone type that fast. It must have been magic.

It only took Kankri a second to notice his approach. He sighed knowingly, but offered him a sympathetic smile anyway. “I’m almost finished, Karkat. Then we can go home. I promise.”

Karkat had no reason to believe him, so he went limp and threw his head back, emitting a distressed groan. He didn’t want to be here any longer. “But we’ve been here for _hours_.” He gave the older man a desperate look, hoping that maybe if he acted a little more upset, he would give in.

“Well, I’m sorry,” Kankri said patiently. “I have work to do, and it can’t wait.” He paused, a thoughtful look on his face. “Why don’t you go ask Dave if he wants to play with you for awhile?”

Karkat trudged over to his brother and hoisted himself up into his lap, his arms crossed and an irritated pout on his face. “I hate Dave. He’s stupid.”

Kankri raised an eyebrow. “Hey, don’t say that. It’s not nice. Why do you think that?”

“Because…” Karkat couldn’t come up with a reason. “Um… He likes to wear those dumb, ugly sunglasses and they’re huge, and all he talks about is puppets and his brother and dead stuff.” It seemed valid to him. He didn’t like to be around Dave. He thought that Dave was weird, and he had no problem voicing that opinion whatsoever, though Dave never really cared. Karkat thought that that was what bothered him the most - Dave’s inhuman ability to act like he hadn’t just been called ugly or stupid.

“Well, let me tell you something.” Kankri started to run his fingers through Karkat’s hair, like he usually did to calm the smaller boy down. “Just because Dave’s interests contrast from yours does not mean that he is stupid or that you should hate him. It just means that he is not the same as you.” His voice was soft; the kind of tone that made Karkat sleepy.

He gave his brother a puzzled glance. “What does that word you said mean? C...ontrist?”

“Contrast,” Kankri corrected. “It means different. It’s a comparison between two things that are not the same.”

“Oh.” Karkat didn’t really understand why Kankri was telling him not to hate Dave; why did it matter if Dave didn’t care anyway? He didn’t put very much thought into it.

Kankri stayed silent for a few drawn out seconds, and Karkat thought that the conversation might now be over, so he slid off of his brother’s lap and began to leave the room. However, Kankri spoke up again when he was halfway out of the door.

“Dave likes you, you know. He wants to be your friend. He’s told me before. I think you should go talk to him.”

Karkat shrugged, but secretly wondered when and why Dave and Kankri had spoken to each other. “I just don’t want to.” With that, he left.

He wandered back down the depressingly barren hallway, unsure if he wanted to go back outside or explore the things he had access to within the school. He didn’t go to this school yet. It was the middle school, and he was still in elementary. Everything was bigger in here, and it was hard to believe that his school was related to this one in any way.

Deciding against the interior investigation due to the fear of ending up somewhere he didn’t know, he changed course to go back out onto the playground.

Once outside again, he stood there, gazing at his surroundings in disinterest. He didn’t know what he wanted to do. Everything seemed so dull, and he just wished Kankri would take him home. He knew that there was nothing he could do to speed up time, so he was miserable.

After a couple more trips down the slide and a failed attempt at climbing a tree, he reluctantly began to consider Kankri’s suggestion. Dave lived only a block or so from the school, which Karkat knew because he had passed Dave’s house several times and had seen him walk home before. He didn’t enjoy Dave’s company all that much, but he didn’t like playing by himself either. It wasn’t fun or interesting enough.

Thus, he found himself hiking down the sidewalk away from the playground to go see if Dave was home. It was getting kind of dark now, and it creeped him out as he traveled, but at least it wasn’t cold. There was still a gentle breeze displacing his hair and causing it to dust his face annoyingly, but he gave up on trying to brush it away after several useless tries.

Just a few minutes later, he found himself standing in front of the cozy looking, decent sized house that Dave Strider called home. He was afraid to knock, so he hesitated for at least half a minute before doing so. Once he did, his heart sped up. What was he doing? What if this was the wrong house? What if someone he didn’t know answered the door?

Unfortunately, the last concern became a reality. Once the door had been pulled open, it was not Dave that stood behind it, but a much older man who resembled him. Karkat thought it must be his older brother. The man’s blonde hair was slicked back in an odd fashion, an orange hat resting on top of it, and sunglasses sitting upon the bridge of his nose. Unlike Dave’s, they were triangular. The man was dressed strangely. He had on a white dress shirt that wasn’t quite buttoned up all the way, and a pair of black pants, and fingerless gloves on his large hands. Karkat would be lying if he said that he wasn’t automatically afraid of him.

“Hey, kiddo,” the man greeted casually. “Who are you?” He didn’t seem angry, just confused.

“My name is Karkat.” The boy’s voice took on a high pitch and shook slightly. “Does- Is- Does Dave live here?” He sort of regretted this already.

“Yeah, sure does. Why, did you come to beat him to a pulp? Does he already have enemies?” The unusual guy laughed, but Karkat didn’t get it. “Hold on just a second.”

Dave’s brother turned around and cupped his hands around his mouth. “Hey, Dave!” he shouted, startling Karkat and making him jump. “You got a friend here to see you!”

He didn’t turn back to Karkat until Dave had come up behind him, at which point he stepped out of the way of the doorway. Dave peeked around his brother’s torso curiously, leaning to the side to get a better look.

“Oh, hey, Karkat!” he said happily.

Karkat smiled weakly. “Hi. Uh, my brother is trying to work so I...I can’t go home yet,” he stuttered. “Do you wanna come play with me on the playground until I can go home?”

Dave grinned. “Only if I can bring my sword.”

Dave’s brother shook his head swiftly, wide-eyed. “Whoa, whoa, whoa. No way, little man. You’ll get yourself hurt with that thing. Remember what I told you? You’re not allowed to mess with it at all until you’re twelve.”

Karkat was just a little mortified. Why did Dave have a sword, and why was that even allowed? He decided not to comment, which was okay, because Dave said something before he got the chance anyway.

“Fine.” Dave sighed emphatically, rolling his eyes. “Let me get my shades, though. I’ll be out in a minute.” The last statement was directed at Karkat, and as soon as it had left his mouth, Dave had run off excitedly to retrieve his prized possession.

Dave’s brother just smiled at Karkat during Dave’s absence, which made him feel incredibly awkward, and he was thankful when the man spoke to him.

“So, you go to school with Dave?” he asked.

Karkat nodded. “Yeah.” He didn’t know what else to say, so he turned his gaze to the concrete walkway beneath his feet. He wished adults didn’t scare him so much. He didn’t want to be scared of anything at all, but he was scared of a lot of things, like the dark and snakes and spiders and heights.

Dave came back to the dim doorway seconds later, a huge smile on his face and his familiar shades on it as well.

“Be back in an hour and a half, alright?” Dave’s brother ruffled Dave’s hair. “Have fun, play nice, and be careful.”

“Okay, I will.”

After that, Dave joined Karkat by his side, and the two of them turned away and began walking down the driveway, away from the house. As soon as Dave’s brother had closed the door and was no longer watching them, Karkat spoke.

“Why do you need sunglasses? It’s dark outside.”

“Because they’re cool,” Dave replied confidently.

“No they’re not,” Karkat muttered. He didn’t like them. They were too big for Dave’s face and made him look like a weirdo.

Dave didn’t say anything back, but he still didn’t look offended, which was unsurprising to Karkat. Karkat began hoping that Kankri would hurry up and finish so that he didn’t have to be stuck with Dave for too long, which led him to wonder why he had even gone to find the other boy in the first place. He didn’t want to be lonely, but this was hardly an improvement. Neither of them spoke again until about halfway back to the playground. At that point, Karkat decided to ask about something else that had crossed his mind.

“Was that your brother?” He turned his head to look at Dave.

“Yeah,” Dave responded.

“What’s his name?”

Dave shrugged. “I just call him Bro.”

Karkat furrowed his eyebrows. “Bro? Why?”

“Because that’s what he tells me to call him. I don’t know if he’s really named Bro or not.”

Karkat doubted it. He had never heard of anyone named “Bro,” so it didn’t make much sense to him. He wasn’t sure why Dave’s brother would want Dave to call him Bro instead of his real name, unless he didn’t like his real name, but he didn’t look into too much. He didn’t like his own name a lot, so he understood.

They made it back to the playground in no time, and Dave immediately began to suggest things for the two of them to do, though most of them sounded dangerous and foolish to even attempt, so Karkat refused all of his proposals. Sadly, his own mind was just a blank space, and he had no better ideas (or any ideas in general, for that matter). He wasn’t used to playing with anyone other than Kankri, and he didn’t know what other kids were interested in doing. He kept to himself the majority of the time at school.

Finally, Dave had a good idea. “Oh, I know! Why don’t we play cops and robbers? We can take turns.”

Karkat felt pretty dumb for not knowing what Dave was talking about. “What’s that?”

“It’s where one of us is the cop trying to catch the robber, and the other one of us is the robber trying to hide and get away. It’s really fun. I play it with Bro a lot but he never lets me be the cop.” Karkat could hear the sadness in Dave’s voice.

He thought that it was as good an idea as any, especially compared to the ones prior, such as jumping off of the swings or sliding down the slides on their stomachs. “Okay… Well, you can be the cop if you want to.” He didn’t really care which role he had. He didn’t even know how to play anyway.

Dave explained the game to him a bit more thoroughly before they got started, and he felt like he was ready when the time came to play. It turned out to be a weird but entertaining mix between tag and hide-and-seek, except there was a part to play. He wasn’t very good at it the first few times, but after a couple rounds of switching roles, he thought he had it down. He even enjoyed it. Dave wasn’t so bad at all when he wasn’t talking about the same strange things all the time.

They went on like that for a good forty-five minutes, smiling and laughing and adrenaline supplying them with far too much energy. Then, it turned around pretty drastically.

It was Dave’s turn to be the cop again, and Karkat had hidden behind a wooden bench until Dave spotted him. By then, he had learned to run as fast as he could whenever he was seen, so he bolted upright and darted away from the bench, gaining speed by the second. He didn’t look back to see how close Dave was to him, because that would only slow him down.

He ran past one of the slides, grinning madly, but stopped a few seconds later when he heard an “oof” and the sound of something slamming into metal, which was enough to snatch his attention from the game. He whipped around to see what had happened, and his eyes widened. 

Dave was lying on the ground right next to the slide, unmoving.

Karkat’s heart started racing, and he inched slowly closer to Dave.

“Dave?” he asked softly, concern overtaking his voice. No answer. “Are you okay?” Still nothing. Karkat began to panic.

He knelt down beside the boy and tore off his shades. He didn’t like not being able to see his face. He poked at him, then shook him gently. “Dave? Oh my gosh, Dave. Oh, no, no, no.” He didn’t know what to do. Was Dave dead?

Tears began to fill his eyes, more out of shock than anything. He knew he should go get Kankri, or somebody, but he was too stunned and shaking too badly to move. He couldn’t stop staring at the blonde haired boy, even though it terrified him how pale his skin had gotten, and how lifeless he looked. He dug deep into his mind in attempt to remember something helpful that someone had told him, but his current state of mental disarray was a major obstacle.

He suddenly realized he didn’t hate Dave anymore. If he had hated him, he wouldn’t be this upset, and he wouldn’t be crying, and he wouldn’t care at all. He felt so bad, as if this was somehow this fault.

Then, something occurred to him. He remembered what princes always did in fairytales when princesses got hurt, and thought about whether it would work in real life. Why would people write about it if it didn’t work? It had to, because there was no other way, and if he didn’t do it Dave was going to die, and then Bro would be angry at him because he didn’t do it and he let Dave _die_. 

Without contemplating it, he leaned forward and pecked Dave on the lips, but it was a little off center and he only half made it. He pulled back and stared at the other boy expectantly, hope rising in his chest, waiting for something to happen. Dave didn’t stir. He assumed it was because he hadn’t done it right, so he kissed him again, this time for a little longer.

Still, he didn’t wake up. Karkat felt as though he had never heard a worse lie in his life, and that was the first time he ever realized that real life and fairytales are two vastly different things. His heart sunk into his stomach, and he began crying harder.

He put all of his effort into standing, and took off for the school as fast as he could make himself go. He almost fell down several times, and nearly ran into the door before he could reach out to open it. He didn’t know how Dave had gotten hurt because he hadn’t seen it happen, but he knew he couldn’t fix it, despite how badly he wanted to.

He rushed to Kankri’s classroom, tears streaming down his face, and when he made it there he was so out of breath from running and crying that he could barely speak.

“Dave…” He paused and put his hand over his mouth, trying to catch his breath. “Dave’s hurt! He got hurt on the playground!”

Kankri asked no questions. He was up out of his chair a fraction of a second before the last word had come out of Karkat’s mouth, and was moving too fast for Karkat to keep up with him. That didn’t stop him from trying, because he needed to be there when Kankri saved Dave’s life, and that was definitely going to happen. 

“Where’s he at?” Kankri asked once the both of them were outside.

Karkat whispered weakly, “Over here,” and began jogging in the direction of the slide Dave had fallen at. He didn’t have the will to keep up a quick pace, and it was almost over anyway, right?

He froze when the other boy came into view, his shoulders drooping and his expression twisting into one of disbelief. Dave had woken up in the short time that Karkat had been getting Kankri. He was sitting up against the bar of the slide, a few feet from where he had been lying before. He had his face buried in his hands, and he was shivering. 

Kankri moved past Karkat and made his way over to Dave, getting on his knees beside him, a frown on his face. He laid his hand gently on Dave’s shoulder.

“Dave?” he asked softly. “Can you hear me? Are you alright?”

Dave nodded and looked up at Kankri. He looked a little woozy and exhausted, and he rubbed at his eyes. Karkat could only think about one thing - his idea had worked, and he had made Dave wake up. That’s what he wanted to believe, anyway.

“What happened?” Kankri glanced between Dave and Karkat, which made Karkat think that maybe Kankri thought this was his fault.

“I was running after Karkat because we were playing a game,” Dave started, his voice wavering in a way Karkat had never heard before, “and I tripped and fell and hit my head on the slide.” Karkat winced at the thought of it. That was what he had heard - Dave crashing into the metal slide.

Kankri began to rub Dave’s back. “Karkat, go get his parents. I’m going to call an ambulance just to make sure he’s okay.”

Dave’s eyes became the size of baseballs, and he shook his head and began to protest. Karkat didn’t stick around to hear it, though. He was dashing away to go get Bro. Then, he wondered if Dave had parents, or if it was only his brother. Karkat only had Kankri - a twenty-six year old math teacher, and his sibling - to care for him. He didn’t remember his parents, and Kankri refused to tell him about them. He knew their names, but nothing else.

The next few minutes were a blur. Karkat had retrieved Bro, who had flipped out the moment Karkat had explained what had happened. The both of them had run back to the school, where Kankri and Dave still sat beside the slide, but no ambulance had arrived yet. The three of them stayed with Dave until it finally did arrive, and Dave and Bro had ridden away in it.

Karkat was relieved. He was scared of a lot of things, yes, but he had never before been so frantic in his life.

After Dave had been whisked away to the hospital, Kankri had decided that they should finally go home. Karkat wasn’t as happy about it as he would have been earlier. He stayed quiet for most of the ride, until about halfway through.

“It worked,” he said quietly. “I kissed Dave so that he would wake up, like what princes do when princesses are sleeping. It worked. He woke up.”

Kankri gave him a surprised, bewildered look in the rearview mirror, and Karkat wondered if he had done something wrong. However, his brother just smiled at him. “Good job.”

Karkat later found out that Dave was fine - no concussions or anything - and he was able to come back to school within the next couple days. They talked a lot more after that, and Karkat felt less like an outcast. It was nice to have a friend, even if they didn't have much in common other than the lack of parents. They still got along, so it didn't matter much. Dave taught him how to lighten up a little. He taught Dave how to tone it down when necessary. They balanced each other out and made an excellent team.

Karkat felt like he had done something right by saving Dave's life, and it was wonderful.


	2. Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Oh my god, get over yourself,” Karkat half shouted after he finished cackling like an idiot. “Why would I give an actual rat’s ass if you like guys?”
> 
> Dave was still hurt by Karkat’s amused reaction, and he knew of only one way to kill it. It was a stupid way, really, but it would work. “Because I don’t like guys. I like _a_ guy.”
> 
> “And? I still don’t see why I should-”
> 
> “Because it’s you, Karkat. It was always you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This sucks cause I didn't put a lot of effort into it but whatever I guess

The years passed by like a desperately needed storm - it comes, and you’re glad, but it drags out for a couple days and feels like it lasts forever, but when it’s over it feels like it barely even happened. Dave and Karkat remained friends despite their personal differences, and whenever they drifted apart, they drifted back together again. Things changed a little bit when they turned thirteen.

Eighth grade was, admittedly, not the best year for Karkat or Dave. It was their last year of middle school; they should be thrilled, right? For once, they were at the top of things. They could bully the younger kids if they wanted and boss them around (though they didn’t. Dave may have just a little, but Karkat preferred not to associate himself with them at all). Truthfully, it sounded better than it was.

All Karkat could think about was the fact that high school was creeping up on them. They’d be in a different school for the first time in three years, and all of the teachers would be new and probably stricter, and there would be more work, and they’d be at the very bottom of the ladder again. He hardly had any time to enjoy himself around these concerns. On top of that, he was far from a social butterfly. He had a few loose friends, but Dave was the only one he felt as though he could fully trust. That would have been fine, if only Dave wasn’t making new friends left and right. Karkat didn’t call it jealousy, although it was. It was flaming fucking outright jealousy; the kind that made him want to glue himself to Dave and remind all of his other buddies that he was still number one, and had been since first grade. He probably would have done it, too, had it not been for the fact that he wasn’t actually positive that he was still Dave’s favorite.

He was a little different now. He didn’t think he was a _lot_ different, but Dave seemed to disagree.

See, he was still himself, with the exception of a few minor details: he liked to listen to punk rock bands, like Black Veil Brides and Pierce the Veil, he liked to wear a lot of black eyeliner that often got him mistaken for a female since he wasn’t all that masculine anyway, and he had dyed his hair black and began to fluff it up even more than it usually did on its own. His clothing style had changed drastically as well. He wore a lot of darker colors and band tees now and painted his nails the same way.

But he wasn’t that different, right?

It had all started when he was eleven, and Kankri had finally told him, in detail, about his parents. Apparently, they had been on a trip to Jamaica for a vacation when their plane had crashed into the ocean, killing almost everyone on board. Karkat didn’t know them, but his heart still sank, and the way Kankri went on and on about them made him feel like he did. He had never felt the gaping hole from the lack of his parents so severely as he had from that day on. They didn’t sound like they had deserved that fate whatsoever. His father, Kastor, had been a zookeeper who was bent on learning all there was to learn about animals, and his mother, Zoey, had been an entrepreneur and had started her own pet grooming business. They had come together due to their mutual love of animals. Karkat thought they sounded lovely, and he ached to know them, but he couldn’t. In some ways, he was jealous of Kankri. Kankri had memories of them that Karkat did not, since he had been so young when they had died. He knew that he shouldn’t be upset about it. The burden of being directly attached to them was one he did not have to carry, but he often wondered if Kankri’s pain was less than his own. He had never gotten to get to know them at all, and it made him feel empty.

He dealt with the emptiness caused by his parents and the stress of getting older by listening to music he could relate to and wearing clothes that reflected the blackness of his thoughts. Dave didn’t understand. He called it an “emo phase,” but Karkat didn’t think it was a phase. He didn’t believe that it was something that was going to blow over. He thought that his feelings of blankness and depression were here to stay. So, through eighth grade, he expressed it. He couldn’t seem to find himself.

Unbeknownst to Karkat, Dave was facing identity problems as well. He had never gotten so much attention from girls, which was great, really, but a couple girlfriends made him realize that it wasn’t as great as everyone made it out to be. Girls were so goddamn dramatic at this age, and it was annoying. His second girlfriend had kissed him after three days, and he didn’t feel shit. He wished he did. He didn’t get it. This was what he was supposed to be doing. Everyone else was doing it. They were getting into new stuff like kissing and some of them were even drinking and smoking now. He had gotten tipsy with one of his best friends once behind an abandoned gas station after school and overly exaggerated his hangover at school the next day to make himself seem cooler, and he had kissed someone, but he hadn’t loved it at all. He told himself he just didn’t really like the girl.

He was low-key worried about Karkat. He just wasn’t the same dude, and it bothered him. He seemed to be getting into some disturbingly dark stuff, and his happiness and carefreeness seemed to be dwindling with each passing month. He confided in Dave about some things, but Dave was smart enough to realize that he had only seen the tip of the iceberg. Karkat had things going on that he couldn’t even guess at. It made him curious and it made him feel pity towards the other boy, but he didn’t know how to help.

Eighth grade was half over when something changed.

Dave began to notice things about Karkat that he had been oblivious to in the years prior, like how beautiful his large, soft brown eyes were, and how pretty he looked when his lips tugged upward in a reluctant smile at one of his terrible jokes and when he was exasperated. And he definitely didn’t over-analyze how far down he would have to lean to kiss the tiny boy, or what that would feel like. He knew he was doomed as soon as the peculiar feelings arose. He couldn’t tell if they were real or if they were just from hormones, but he felt them like a basketball directly to the face.

He spent more time than not stressing over it. He tried to hold himself together. He tried to kiss more girls, but he couldn’t do it. His brain wanted it, but his heart didn’t. He talked to the school counselor, who, coincidentally, happened to be Kankri Vantas himself. He had stopped teaching math when Dave and Karkat were in fifth grade, and had taken the opening as school counselor instead. Karkat had been disappointed. All his life, he had looked forward to the benefits of having his brother as his math teacher, but now that wouldn’t happen.

It just made things awkward for Dave, especially because his sexuality was ninety percent of what he rambled on about, and he was forced to keep it vague. He normally wouldn’t talk about this in particular to any counselor, but come on - it was _Kankri_. He had known Kankri just as long as he had known Karkat, and he considered him his other brother. He trusted him with his life. Kankri had even admitted to being bisexual - something only he and Karkat knew about. However, letting Kankri know that his brother was the one causing Dave’s sexuality crisis was a little too much for him to put out there.

He struggled with it a lot, and it scared him horribly. He felt like he had a lead weight sitting on his chest that he was a little too weak to remove. He wanted to tell Karkat, but he was afraid it would change everything. He didn’t want to lose his childhood best friend who meant the world to him over a dumb middle school crush.

Things kind of fell apart one evening when he invited Karkat to come stay over at his house.

It was about seven-thirty PM, and the two of them were sitting in the near complete darkness in Dave’s room, eyes glued to the screen of Dave’s TV as they took turns playing Skyrim. Neither of them had thought to turn the light on so that they wouldn’t go blind, nor did they care much. They were too sucked into the game.

Dave was stuck on a quest with a particularly difficult draugr to beat, but he _knew_ he had a sword that would do the trick. However, it was stored away at his house in Solitude. For a while, he was able to use the excuse that he didn’t want to weave his way back through the long ruin to get back outside where he could fast travel, but after the ninth time of getting killed by the draugr, Karkat started to pressure him.

“Why don’t you just do it? Jesus Christ, Dave, it’s worth it at this point.”

Dave was dead set on going nowhere near his house while Karkat was around. No thanks. He wished he had thought in advance about times like this, when other people would be with him while he played this game, but he hadn’t. He regretted it now. So, he got killed three more times.

“What the hell? You’re never going to make it if you don’t just go get the fucking sword,” Karkat grumbled. “It’s not that hard to get out of this hellhole.”

Dave was starting to sweat mentally. “I can’t go to my house. It’s too far away, I don’t want to-”

“Dude, the entire thing will take all of five minutes. Fucking get out of there, fast travel to Solitude, go into your house, get the sword, go out, fast travel back. If you don’t do it you’re never gonna beat this shit.” Karkat was obviously frustrated by Dave’s refusal to make it easy for himself.

Dave was starting to panic. He paused the game and sat the controller down. “I’m done. I don’t want to play this game anymore.” There was a lump in his throat that he couldn’t shut down. He crossed his arms and looked away so that Karkat wouldn’t be able to see his distress.

“Jesus H. Dick, you’re being a drama queen!” Karkat hissed. “What is your _problem_?” 

Dave stayed silent for awhile, though he was hyperventilating. “I-I don’t…” What was he even trying to say? “I like guys, Karkat. Fuck. Just leave and don’t say anything. I don’t want to hear it.” His voice was choked up, and his entire body went tense, but Karkat’s next question wasn’t the scolding and disgust he expected to hear.

“What the everloving shit does that have to do with Skyrim?”

At that point, Dave looked back at him, eyebrows furrowed, to see Karkat wearing a similar expression. He hadn’t realized how random it had sounded when he said it.

“Oh. Because I married a guy in the game, and he’s at my house.” He sounded painfully casual, though he was wrecked internally. “Didn’t want you to see.” He went quiet, and he wasn’t sure if Karkat had even heard him.

Karkat started laughing. Really hard. And with that, Dave came closer to crying than he already was. He would rather Karkat just climb out of the window and never come back than laugh at an issue he had struggled with for what seemed like an eternity. 

“Oh my god, get over yourself,” Karkat half shouted after he finished cackling like an idiot. “Why would I give an actual rat’s ass if you like guys?”

Dave was still hurt by Karkat’s amused reaction, and he knew of only one way to kill it. It was a stupid way, really, but it would work. “Because I don’t like guys. I like _a_ guy.”

“And? I still don’t see why I should-”

“Because it’s you, Karkat. It was always you.”

Karkat’s smile faltered, and no words were exchanged for a few, terrifying moments that stirred Dave’s anxiety and made the blood rise to his cheeks.

Then, Karkat leaned forward and kissed him. It was gentle in a way Dave had never imagined his friend to be capable of, and it was over too quick.

“I’ve always wanted to do that while you were awake,” he said softly.

It would have been Dave’s turn to laugh, had he not been so creeped out. “What the fuck?”

“Ask Kankri. He’ll tell you.” Karkat’s lovely smile was present again, so it didn’t really matter to Dave.

They had spent the rest of that night watching comedies and talking about whatever came to mind. Of course, they had talked about their mutual attraction to males, and Dave had explained his in a bit more detail. They didn’t exactly speak about Dave’s attraction to one guy in particular, though, so that lingered in the air, which both of them were fine with. Bro had come to check on them after awhile, and that was when they had to change the topic. Despite Dave’s prodding, Karkat wouldn’t explain his earlier statement.

So, Dave did ask Kankri on Monday.

At his usual time - one in the afternoon - he found himself seated in the chair across from Karkat’s older brother, the two of them separated by a very organized desk.

“Welcome, Dave. How are you today?”

He wasn’t sure how to answer. He was a lot of things. He instinctively replied with the same thing he said to anyone else who asked him. “Tired, I guess.”

Kankri nodded. “Didn’t get enough sleep?”

Dave shrugged. “I got plenty. It’s just one of those days.”

“That being said,” Kankri began gingerly, “is there anything you’d like to talk about?”

“Actually, I have a...question,” Dave replied hesitantly.

“I may have an answer.”

The pause following felt like it lasted a year to Dave. He wondered if Kankri was aware of what had happened with him and Karkat on Saturday night. He couldn’t really decide if it seemed likely that Karkat would have told him or not.

“On Saturday, Karkat said something about how one time he kissed me while I wasn’t awake or something. Or maybe he still does? I don’t know, he wouldn’t tell me. He told me to ask you.”

Recognition flared in Kankri’s eyes, and his eyebrows raised. “Oh, yes. I remember that.” He leaned back in his chair and crossed one leg over the other, a small smile on his face. “Do you remember the time when you were six and you fell down at the playground, and knocked yourself out?”

Dave nodded. He remembered vaguely. “Yeah…” He just hoped he remembered what he needed to remember to understand whatever it was that Kankri was about to tell him.

“Well, when you passed out, Karkat saw you. He wanted to help, so he thought that if he kissed you, you would wake up. He had watched too many Disney movies, I guess, but he thought it would work. He did it and then came and got me to help you, but by the time I got outside you were awake. I’m assuming that’s what he meant.”

Dave was practically swooning by the end of Kankri’s mini-story. Why hadn’t Karkat ever thought to mention that to him? That was the cutest thing he had ever heard, and it had happened to him, yet he was only finding out about it now. Seven years later. That was just bullshit, man.

Dave decided to open up about Saturday night after that. He told Kankri that Karkat had kissed him, and that he had always been talking about Karkat during these sessions. Kankri played it off as though he had no idea, but Dave believed that he had caught on at some point. Kankri was a good counselor, but a shitty actor. All that really mattered was that he didn’t hate Dave, and he didn’t hate Karkat.

After the end of that session, Dave had found Karkat in the hallway, talking to their mutual friend, Kanaya. He had pulled him away from her and pushed him up against the locker and just kissed the fuck out of him right there in the middle of the hallway. Of course, they had gotten scolded by a teacher almost immediately, but that didn’t ruin the moment at all. It was talked about for the next week, how Dave and Karkat were the school’s only openly gay couple.

Karkat started to wear lighter clothes, and he stopped putting on eyeliner. His hair stayed black, but he didn’t redye it anymore. He was letting it grow out. He still painted his nails, too, which didn’t really matter.

Karkat was getting better. It was Dave’s turn to feel like he had done something right, by saving Karkat Vantas’ life.


End file.
